well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
