My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
