just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
