probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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