Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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