DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
