if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
