Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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