either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
