i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
