how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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