So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
