I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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