the condom got lost in my hair
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
