Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
