Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
