my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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