he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
