just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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