He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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