It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
