To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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