i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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