my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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