Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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