Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
