you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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