I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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