i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
