I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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