there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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