I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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