Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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