I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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