Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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