New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
