I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize