the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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