Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
