She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
