Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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