I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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