is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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