I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
