i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
