apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
