if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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