I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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