Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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