I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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