I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize