you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
