I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
