I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
