Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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