I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
