She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize