Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
