the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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