We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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