Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
