Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
