I wish I could teleport
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
