I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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