I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
