i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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