I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
